My stepmother died this week. Tuesday, to be exact. I wish I could say I’ll miss her, but I won’t. I wish I could say I loved her, but I didn’t. I wish I could say she made our family better, but well, she didn’t.
My stepmother had Borderline Personality Disorder. Her illness got worse through the years, culminating in a hate-filled rage toward me a few days after my (half) sister died. It was at that point that she told me never to come or call again.
On that day, I also lost my father, because my stepmother was the gatekeeper. If I called, I had to speak with her first. Because I was unwilling to ever speak to her again, I never called again. I honored her demand.
When I learned tapping, I began to process so many of my painful experiences with her. And because tapping works, she became a non-issue with me.
So on Wednesday, when my brother called to tell me she had died, I was blank.
“I got nothing,” I told him. “I feel nothing, not sadness, not joy … nothing.”
“Yeah, me too,” he said.
Later that evening, with her still on my mind, I had a flash of her standing with her two children (both of whom had predeceased her). They were radiant. Happy. Healthy.
“I’m sorry,” she said to me.
“Whatever.” I turned away.
Thursday, I remembered that moment and realized I still had my sh*t to process. Throughout the day, I began to have other memories, happy memories of her. Snowball fights. Playing cards. Yummy dinners together.
And then it hit: it was because of her that I got my first horse.
Crap. Seriously?
And it was because of her that I got my second horse.
Crap again.
WTF was going on? I’ve been fairly content to hold her in contempt for most of my life. And now, I was downloading memories that were in conflict of that contempt (ahem, story).
My new memories coming in were happy, grateful ones. (damn it)
Healing this deep wound has now begun yet again. This time, I’m ready (which includes a little bit of kicking and screaming on my part, as you can see).
I’m being asked to change my story of her. A story I have loved. One I’m married to. A story that fits my narrative. A story that well, heck! was true! At least on my end.
My favorite fairy tale as a child was Cinderella. Why? Because Cinderella won over her evil stepmother.
Yeah. I could relate.
My guides and angels (aka the Divine Team) are insisting that I see the Truth of this situation, and to step into my power regarding this relationship. An empowered power. Not the egoic power I’ve been doing (aka F You!). True power. Divine power.
The power of truth and love.
To be sure, this is exactly what we are being called to do at this time. You and I are being called to own our own magnificence. To own our Divine power. To own our Divine truth. To own our Divine love.
Because that’s who we truly are.
I’m sharing this part of my journey with you because I want to convey how powerful (and hard at times!) it is to change your story in order to be able to manifest a life you want.
But letting go of our stories about who we are and what has happened to us is essential.
If we want to manifest with consciousness.
So, tomorrow, Saturday, February 1, please join me for a free call where we’re going to talk about manifesting with your heart.
We’re going to talk about stepping into your power and your truth. About understanding how you are here beyond any shadow of a doubt to learn how to create your life. Abundantly. Beautifully. With love.
You can ask whatever questions you have about manifesting. I’m happy to share what I know.
And most of all, we’ll talk about how you can create the vision you have in your heart.
